Public Display of Affection

Do you make $100,000-$150,000 a year, have a master’s degree, blond hair, blue eyes, only drink socially, don’t smoke (gasp for air), have a sense of humour, and athletic build?

Well, congratulations! You’re the perfect man according to a survey of 2,330 Toronto women for dating-auction site WhatsYourPrice.com.

Sounds like a bit of a tall order to me. But then again the survey didn’t say anything about being realistic.

In Toronto, women believe personality (having a sense of humour) is the most important quality, followed by education, income, body type, eye colour, hair colour, smoking, and drinking, the survey found.

What attributes make your perfect guy or woman??

We Canadians sure are a randy bunch. Could be ‘cuz we’re cooped up inside for the winter months and need something to do to keep toasty warm.

A new survey finds nearly one-quarter (22%) of Canucks have had a threesome and 29% are down to have one.

Oddly enough, the report also found 8% have done the deed in a canoe, according to the survey from Playtex. I call B.S. on that one. I’m willing to bet half of Canadians can’t even remember the last time they were in a canoe.

As far as notches in the bed post, the survey found Canadians, on average, have had a total of 12 sex partners. And 23% of men say they’ve done it with 20 or more people, with just 13% of ladies saying the same. Now, I’m not great at math, but somebody’s gotta be lying there.

Environics Research Group conducted the survey with 1,003 Canadians aged 18-49 years old, from Dec. 19-30.

(SOS Condoms)

Drug store closed or too embarrassed to buy condoms?

Well, SOS Condoms by Durex has launched a one-hour condom-delivery service in Dubai that could be expanded to include Vancouver and several other cities around the world, the company says.

The delivery guy apparently comes dressed as a pizza guy to keep your order discreet, the New York Daily News reports.

There’s also an app for condom-ordering on iTunes.

It seems more and more random things are being delivered these days. There’s a monthly delivery service for boxers and thongs, and tampons.

No longer will the cute guy in the checkout line know that you’re on your rag.

Feminine hygiene product-delivery service Le Parcel even includes chocolate in its period packs — a favourite among many menstruating ladies I know.

“Nature’s gift stinks so we give you a better one,” the website reads.

UPDATE: (Thursday at 7:09 p.m. ET) The author of the Star Trek help wanted ad has come out and said it was a big fat joke. Aww, I’m sad. The super funny ad even attracted more than 32,000 views on Funny or Die.

Any Craigslist personal ad that says, “Nothing weird is going to happen,” or “Don’t worry,” probably means you should stay away. But when these guys try to coax the ladies with offerings of booze and mom-made lunches, it’s oh-so-tempting to hit the reply button.

The first ad that caught my eye last month was a listing seeking virgins for a “sacrificial altar” for an end of the world party.

“What sacrificial altar would be complete without virgins covered in blood,” the Washington, D.C.-based ad said.

Fear not, virgins.

“It would be fake blood, don’t worry,” the posting reassuringly says.

Now before you all start volunteering for this apocalyptic affair — they want real virgins only. And for those lucky enough to be selected, they’ll even feed you and share their booze with you. Bonus.

Ad here:

Not a virgin? Well this guy probably is. Another ad I stumbled across comes from a Trekkie in Edmonton.

“Need 2 or 3 women for Star Trek roleplaying. No nudity, no touching,” the ad says. Just be sure to bring along your phaser or visor.

The positions aren’t paid, he says, but who needs cash when his mom’s making lunch!? C’mon ladies, he built a bridge and shuttle craft in his ma’s garage. And if the deal wasn’t already golden enough, he’s sweetened it up with pharmaceuticals.

“This isn’t paid, but I have a doctor’s prescription pad (a long story) and I can write you a prescription for basically anything you want,” he says.

Just send him your photo, bio and stats.

“Nothing weird is going to happen.”

I SWEAR!

My dog, Derry, a Nova Scotia duck tolling retriever. Dogs are more than just man’s best friend. They’re an ideal ice breaker for love seekers.

For those looking for love, ditch the Plenty of Fish account and get a dog.

Seriously. Having recently become a dog owner it has forced me to go out on near daily trips to dog parks around the city and I can’t believe how many new friends I’ve made already. And so easily, too, because we all share a mutual interest. It’s a whole world I had no idea existed ’til now.

Men and women, young and old, congregate at these places for hours everyday of the week to watch their pooches play fight and pick up their poop. It’s the perfect place to meet new friends or better yet — a flame.

Got me thinking that it would make a much more romantic, “How did you guys meet?” story, rather than the increasingly common, “We met online,” response. (Like this dog-loving couple featured in the Washington Post).

A neighbour of mine says the dog park is his main social outlet. Admittedly he said he knows more of the dogs’ names than their owners, but it’s a start.

I often hear about how frustrated people are with online dating. How men send hundreds of messages and rarely get a response, and when they get messages it’s from women they wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pole. Similar story from women, how they get inundated with messages from creepy men, most of whom they’re not interested in.

To be fair, there are creepers at the dog park, too! I heard about a young guy who trolls for women at the park in my area and apparently he said something inappropriate to a few of the women who regularly go there. He stopped going ‘cuz things got weird.

Maybe he forgot to study the eHow article appropriately titled: How to Meet Women at the Dog Park.  I especially like this tip:

“Keep a spare plastic bag and hand sanitizer ready. Don’t shake hands with a possible suitor if you’ve just grabbed a handful of doggie doo.”

Regardless, I figure if you’ve been trying to date online and haven’t had much luck, it’s time to get out of the house and mix it up a bit.

No dog? Borrow a friend’s dog or better yet volunteer at an animal shelter and take it to the dog park! A woman’s heart would ooze on that one.