Archive for February, 2012

All guys watch porn. (QMI Agency file photo)

Your boyfriend is lying to you.

He watches porn. Him and all his friends. Even his dad. All men watch porn.

Guys now have got it down to a modern day science.

1. Go to porn site

2. Go to history

3. Delete page

No paper trail except maybe the tissue crumpled up in the garbage. No need to venture out to the seedy part of town to rent porns at the adult video store. No need to go to the corner store and awkwardly place the latest Hustler on the cashier counter.

You may still be thinking, “No way, my guy doesn’t look at porn.”

Well I’m here to tell you, ladies, he does.

You’re out with the ladies for lunch. He’s at home in his sweatpants watching TV. He’s bored. The laptop’s sitting there with busty babes and blond bombshells just a click away. Free. Easily accessible. A countless variety and discreet.

Men have been watching porn for years. Since their best friend found their dad’s porn stash stuffed between the mattress.

Don’t believe me?

Ask the scientists from the University of Montreal.

Researchers attempted to do a study with men who had never watched porn.

One problem: They couldn’t find any.

Researchers then shifted gears and interviewed 20 straight post secondary males and found, on average, they first saw porn before they were 10 years old.

Single men were found to watch more porn (average of 40 minutes, three times a week) than committed men (average of 20 minutes nearly twice a week), according to the study released in 2009.

Ladies, don’t worry. Your man still loves you.

“Pornography hasn’t changed their perception of women or their relationship which they all want as harmonious and fulfilling as possible,” professor Simon Louis Lajeunesse said in a statement.

Breakups suck, but with the sweet taste of revenge they don't always have to. (Thinkstock.com)

Nobody likes breakups.

But what if you could have the last word?

A Facebook friend did just that recently when they posted this on their wall:

“Dear AMY, i knew you cheated on me for 2 weeks now and i still dated you, in those 2 weeks every time i have been at your house i wiped your toothbrush on my a——, eat s—… you’re dumped. (sic).”

If that’s not the best breakup revenge ever, I don’t know what is.

It reminds me a little of an Australian guy I met on my trip to Bali last month who told me he was on a holiday that was supposed to be his honeymoon.

He said he caught his best friend in bed with his fiancée whom he had dated for 12 years. Ouch.

After he called the wedding off, he decided he’d still go on the holiday — solo. He partied with lots of bikini-clad chicks all night, had a riot, and posted the pics on Facebook for her to see.

Good for him.

While those breakups taste of bitter sweet revenge, most breakup stories make ya wonder how the couple ever made it work.

So, in the spirit of not wanting to write some lame Valentine’s story, I thought I’d compile some breakup stories that’ll make ya laugh and say, suck it Cupid!

“My last boyfriend was a farm boy. Built, rugged, self-sufficient, and hot. But after I walked in on him peeing in my kitchen sink, it was over and I couldn’t wait to get out of that apartment.”

“Last year I got a phone call at 2 a.m. from a guy I was dating saying, ‘Babe, you awake? I need you to come bail me out of jail.’ For what, you say? Soliciting a prostitute! Not only did this dirt bag get caught in an undercover police sting, but he had the nerve to call me, the girl he was dating, to bail him out. Lets just say I will never forget the expression on his face when I showed up to bail him out of jail…WITH HIS MOM! (sic)”

Source: Funnybreakup.com

“My boyfriend was a serious mama’s boy who insisted on having dinner with his mom at least twice a week. During one of those dinners, his mom looked at me, took my hand and said, ‘We have to talk.’ I got really nervous and tried to catch my boyfriend’s eye, but he was just intently staring at his lap. She gently told me things weren’t working out between me and my boyfriend, and that she thought it was best for me to leave. I tried to convince my boyfriend to talk privately in the other room, but he wouldn’t respond. I couldn’t believe it—my pansy-ass boyfriend made his mom break up with me!” 

“My guy was away on a business trip for about a month, and we had been video chatting to stay in touch. One night I had my girlfriends over, and after a couple bottles of wine, we decided to Skype him. Our call connected, and I was about to tell him to say hi to my friends when he goes, ‘Bev, I’m sorry to do this over Skype, but I don’t want to put it off any longer. I think we should just be friends.’ I was in total shock, and my friends just sat there with their mouths hanging open. I mumbled okay and got off as quickly as possible-I was dumped in front of all my best friends!“

Source: Cosmopolitan.com

Do you pass gas in front of your partner? (Shutterstock)

To toot or not to toot?

That is the question.

The signs of a new, blossoming relationship: You talk for hours on the phone, spend a few evenings a week together laughing, falling in love, whispering sweet nothings, sharing your innermost feelings — everything but passing gas in front of each other.

The moment that this hidden rule is broken consider the romance lost. Gone. Thrown out the window. No longer do you look at your partner as that pure, sexy smelling, polite person you fell in love with.

Suddenly you’re too comfortable, the sweet nothings have turned into, “Oh, honey not tonight.” And not long after, the bathroom is no longer a private place, the door remains open when it should be closed… reminiscent of the scene from that movie The Change-Up when the chick on the toilet – door open – says,”Oh, I need to cool it on the Thai food.”

I know some couples who have dated for more than a year and neither dare to break wind in front of each other. It’s as if both of them were born without bowels. Even going number 2 is done so discretely, one waits until the other has gone to work for the day or until they can sneak off and use a public washroom.

It’s a common tactic.

One woman confesses she uses the restaurant next door to avoid using the bathroom when her guy’s at home.

She even went on a week-long vacation in Mexico without using the toilet, according to a blog on the topic at momlogic.com.

“Sure, I ended up with an awful case of constipation — but for me, it was worth it,” the woman said.

“Earlier in my relationship, I was horrified if my husband ever heard or smelled a fart escape, but after more than a decade of marriage, pretty much anything goes,” the woman confessed on the blog.

What’s your take on passing gas in front of your partner? Would you rather stub your toe than even think about breaking wind with your partner present?