Do you make $100,000-$150,000 a year, have a master’s degree, blond hair, blue eyes, only drink socially, don’t smoke (gasp for air), have a sense of humour, and athletic build?

Well, congratulations! You’re the perfect man according to a survey of 2,330 Toronto women for dating-auction site WhatsYourPrice.com.

Sounds like a bit of a tall order to me. But then again the survey didn’t say anything about being realistic.

In Toronto, women believe personality (having a sense of humour) is the most important quality, followed by education, income, body type, eye colour, hair colour, smoking, and drinking, the survey found.

What attributes make your perfect guy or woman??

We Canadians sure are a randy bunch. Could be ‘cuz we’re cooped up inside for the winter months and need something to do to keep toasty warm.

A new survey finds nearly one-quarter (22%) of Canucks have had a threesome and 29% are down to have one.

Oddly enough, the report also found 8% have done the deed in a canoe, according to the survey from Playtex. I call B.S. on that one. I’m willing to bet half of Canadians can’t even remember the last time they were in a canoe.

As far as notches in the bed post, the survey found Canadians, on average, have had a total of 12 sex partners. And 23% of men say they’ve done it with 20 or more people, with just 13% of ladies saying the same. Now, I’m not great at math, but somebody’s gotta be lying there.

Environics Research Group conducted the survey with 1,003 Canadians aged 18-49 years old, from Dec. 19-30.

(SOS Condoms)

Drug store closed or too embarrassed to buy condoms?

Well, SOS Condoms by Durex has launched a one-hour condom-delivery service in Dubai that could be expanded to include Vancouver and several other cities around the world, the company says.

The delivery guy apparently comes dressed as a pizza guy to keep your order discreet, the New York Daily News reports.

There’s also an app for condom-ordering on iTunes.

It seems more and more random things are being delivered these days. There’s a monthly delivery service for boxers and thongs, and tampons.

No longer will the cute guy in the checkout line know that you’re on your rag.

Feminine hygiene product-delivery service Le Parcel even includes chocolate in its period packs — a favourite among many menstruating ladies I know.

“Nature’s gift stinks so we give you a better one,” the website reads.

Any Craigslist personal ad that says, “Nothing weird is going to happen,” or “Don’t worry,” probably means you should stay away. But when these guys try to coax the ladies with offerings of booze and mom-made lunches, it’s oh-so-tempting to hit the reply button.

The first ad that caught my eye last month was a listing seeking virgins for a “sacrificial altar” for an end of the world party.

“What sacrificial altar would be complete without virgins covered in blood,” the Washington, D.C.-based ad said.

Fear not, virgins.

“It would be fake blood, don’t worry,” the posting reassuringly says.

Now before you all start volunteering for this apocalyptic affair — they want real virgins only. And for those lucky enough to be selected, they’ll even feed you and share their booze with you. Bonus.

Ad here:

Not a virgin? Well this guy probably is. Another ad I stumbled across comes from a Trekkie in Edmonton.

“Need 2 or 3 women for Star Trek roleplaying. No nudity, no touching,” the ad says. Just be sure to bring along your phaser or visor.

The positions aren’t paid, he says, but who needs cash when his mom’s making lunch!? C’mon ladies, he built a bridge and shuttle craft in his ma’s garage. And if the deal wasn’t already golden enough, he’s sweetened it up with pharmaceuticals.

“This isn’t paid, but I have a doctor’s prescription pad (a long story) and I can write you a prescription for basically anything you want,” he says.

Just send him your photo, bio and stats.

“Nothing weird is going to happen.”

I SWEAR!

My dog, Derry, a Nova Scotia duck tolling retriever. Dogs are more than just man’s best friend. They’re an ideal ice breaker for love seekers.

For those looking for love, ditch the Plenty of Fish account and get a dog.

Seriously. Having recently become a dog owner it has forced me to go out on near daily trips to dog parks around the city and I can’t believe how many new friends I’ve made already. And so easily, too, because we all share a mutual interest. It’s a whole world I had no idea existed ’til now.

Men and women, young and old, congregate at these places for hours everyday of the week to watch their pooches play fight and pick up their poop. It’s the perfect place to meet new friends or better yet — a flame.

Got me thinking that it would make a much more romantic, “How did you guys meet?” story, rather than the increasingly common, “We met online,” response. (Like this dog-loving couple featured in the Washington Post).

A neighbour of mine says the dog park is his main social outlet. Admittedly he said he knows more of the dogs’ names than their owners, but it’s a start.

I often hear about how frustrated people are with online dating. How men send hundreds of messages and rarely get a response, and when they get messages it’s from women they wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pole. Similar story from women, how they get inundated with messages from creepy men, most of whom they’re not interested in.

To be fair, there are creepers at the dog park, too! I heard about a young guy who trolls for women at the park in my area and apparently he said something inappropriate to a few of the women who regularly go there. He stopped going ‘cuz things got weird.

Maybe he forgot to study the eHow article appropriately titled: How to Meet Women at the Dog Park.  I especially like this tip:

“Keep a spare plastic bag and hand sanitizer ready. Don’t shake hands with a possible suitor if you’ve just grabbed a handful of doggie doo.”

Regardless, I figure if you’ve been trying to date online and haven’t had much luck, it’s time to get out of the house and mix it up a bit.

No dog? Borrow a friend’s dog or better yet volunteer at an animal shelter and take it to the dog park! A woman’s heart would ooze on that one.

I haven't passed gas in front of my boyfriend ever. We've dated for two years. (Shutterstock)

I have a confession to make.

It’s been two years and I’ve never tooted in front of my boyfriend.

Some people have fears of heights and spiders. Well, my fear is passing gas — especially in front of him.

My boyfriend and I moved in together in January (to his not-so private loft) and all I could think about is how I’m going to keep my Number 2′s in the bathroom to an ultra-low decibel. I’ve turned on the tap, ran the shower, talked loudly, blasted the TV — nearly everything to keep him from overhearing my lady movements.

Just the thought of him hearing  a splash in the toilet or echo off the porcelain makes me squirm and cringe with the utmost embarrassment. Am I being dramatic? Sure. But my fears are very real and ingrained.

See, the thing is, for a long time I’ve had this weird thing about people even saying the F word. (Fart).

I can think of many times I’ve felt the need to release a bit of pressure and I’ve held it in because he was in the room. Stomach aches do occur, I admit. However, it’s been two years. Why cross that line now?

Don’t get me wrong, we’ve talked about these below the belt events, I know it’s only natural. However, he and many other guys I know think it’s totally gross when women pass gas. And I agree! Guys are pigs, so sure they fart. But women, they’re polite and considerate of other peoples noses. I’d rather my boyfriend remember me smelling like cinnamon and vanilla. Not rotten eggs and sewage.

I’ve blogged on this topic before in February, about when the appropriate time is to have the ‘fart talk’, only I didn’t confess I was one of the women I wrote about.

One of many commenters said “it’s okay for guys to pass gas and burp but the ladies cannot … sorry this is a double standard i know.” While others shared stories of having waited three months or more before farting in front of their partner.

“Yes, breaching the fart wall does symbolize a certain level of trust/intimacy/whatever,” Darren H said.

What a strange relationship my boyfriend and I have though. He lets it rip and I just sort of crunch up my face and tell him he’s disgusting.

Well, I take comfort knowing I’m not the lone sufferer of fartophobia.

A close friend while on vacation overseas wouldn’t use the bathroom in the hotel room she shared with her boyfriend. She’d hold it in and rush off to the loo in the lobby or restaurant.

Some men believe women don’t poop and she was determined to keep it that way.

I’m with ya, girl.

For more flatulent fun, check out this funny YouTube video — Breaking the barrier.

Is it love at first sniff? (Handout/The Pheromone Parties)

Follow your nose to find your soul mate.

No, really. New “pheromone parties” allow guests to sniff other party goers’ T-shirts in Ziploc bags to let their nose decide who they’d like to get to know, according to pheromoneparties.com.

The company is hosting its next event in Los Angeles, Calif., on June 14.

Their party rules:

Guests sleep in a clean, white cotton T-shirt for three nights to capture their “odour print.” The shirts are stuffed into bags and are labelled by number and pink for girl, blue for boy. Guests sniff the bags, and if they smell something you like, they get your picture taken with the numbered bag that’s projected on a screen. If you see your bag on the screen, paired with a person you like, give ‘er!

It’s definitely a twist on the traditional singles mixer, using science to meet your match rather than relying on often cheesy dating profiles or meeting another doucher at the club.

According to a study published in the Journal of Neuroscience in 2009, researchers from Rick University, Texas, found women can subconsciously determine if a man is attracted to her by the smell of his sweat.

Wasn’t there an Old Spice commercial from years ago that said scent is the strongest sense tied to memory? When you smell that T-shirt and it provokes a happy memory, it’s gotta be a good sign. If he or she stinks, well maybe they’re not Mr. or Mrs. Right.

He or she may turn out to be not who you expected, however it smells like a new and fun way to meet someone you may have overlooked.

Interestingly, the website advises women to wear the T-shirt while they’re ovulating.

“Strippers get more tips when ovulating. It is not proven whether this is because of pheromones or just actions, but worth considering for your odour print phase,” it reads.

Thai Ikea shoppers may be a little red in the face as some of the Swedish-named products sound crude. For example, the "Redalen" bed frame, pictured, sounds like getting to third base in Thai. (Ikea)

Ikea is famous for giving its products funky, tongue-twisting Swedish names.

Now they’re infamous for making some Thai shoppers blush.

The Wall Street Journal reports Ikea’s Redalen bed frame sounds similar to getting to third base in Thai and the Jattebra glass plant pot, in part, sounds like a term for sex.

The racy name seems fitting for a bed, not so sure about the decorative planter though.

To try and prevent offending anyone in the conservative country, the furniture giant hired a Thai team to peruse its product lines and modify questionable terms prior to the store’s opening in Thailand last year.

“We’ve got to be careful,” team member Natthita Opaspipat told the Journal. “Some of them can be, well, a little rude.”

Just a thought —— maybe if Ikea products had crude names shoppers wouldn’t have as much trouble pronouncing them.

Whiskey Dick, touted as the world's first bourbon-flavoured personal lubricant, is the latest unusual lube on the market. (Handout/EpicMealTime)

Forget bacon for breakfast and whisky at the bar. Bacon and whisky have a new place — in the bedroom.

I don’t know what’s up with the surge in new random flavours of personal lubricant coming out but somebody must be buying the stuff.

The latest lube landed in the form of a pitch in my email box on Thursday at 7:43 a.m.

“EpicMealTime is pleased to announce the launch of Whiskey Dick, the world’s first bourbon-flavored personal lubricant.  You’re welcome.”

I nearly spat my tea out. Who drops the D word before 8 a.m.?

They go on to say it’s the gold-standard of booze-flavoured massage oils, with claims it’s aged for four years in white oak casks for a “velvety-smooth” finish.

Well then!

Let’s pause for a moment. Is there actually alcohol in it? Wouldn’t that burn down there and pose a fire hazard? Maybe do a patch test first and avoid lighting those votive candles on the bedside table just in case.

As for Baconlube, it actually began as an April Fool’s prank but then customers demanded it to be made reality, according to the manufacturer J&D’s website. They even had more than 3,000 people on a waiting list for the stuff. (Who are these people?)

I had a sample sent over for a story I did a while back . I gotta admit I was pretty excited for the stuff to come in the mail, although a little awkward on my daily trips to the mail room to ask if my Baconlube arrived.

It caused quite a stir around the office when it came last December. Most people who smelled the oily fluid made a stink face and said it was awful.

The sniff test proved it definitely had a smoky bacony-scent. One brave soul even tasted it and liked it.

For the record, I didn’t *try* it. I’m somewhat adventurous in the bacon realm. I love bacon cookies, even chocolate dipped bacon.

I also love bacon and who doesn’t love sex, however the two should never be combined.

As my colleague, Steve Tilley pointed out, “That’s why brunch is so popular. People wake up, have sex and then go eat bacon!”

Amen.

There’s more people losing sleep than I thought!

According to a readers’ poll posted along with my story, originally published Thursday, May 3, nearly half of voters (394 people) say they’re bothered by their significant other’s snoring. Almost a quarter (192 people) said they’re sometimes bothered, while 27% (222 people) said they’re not.