I haven't passed gas in front of my boyfriend ever. We've dated for two years. (Shutterstock)
I have a confession to make.
It’s been two years and I’ve never tooted in front of my boyfriend.
Some people have fears of heights and spiders. Well, my fear is passing gas — especially in front of him.
My boyfriend and I moved in together in January (to his not-so private loft) and all I could think about is how I’m going to keep my Number 2′s in the bathroom to an ultra-low decibel. I’ve turned on the tap, ran the shower, talked loudly, blasted the TV — nearly everything to keep him from overhearing my lady movements.
Just the thought of him hearing a splash in the toilet or echo off the porcelain makes me squirm and cringe with the utmost embarrassment. Am I being dramatic? Sure. But my fears are very real and ingrained.
See, the thing is, for a long time I’ve had this weird thing about people even saying the F word. (Fart).
I can think of many times I’ve felt the need to release a bit of pressure and I’ve held it in because he was in the room. Stomach aches do occur, I admit. However, it’s been two years. Why cross that line now?
Don’t get me wrong, we’ve talked about these below the belt events, I know it’s only natural. However, he and many other guys I know think it’s totally gross when women pass gas. And I agree! Guys are pigs, so sure they fart. But women, they’re polite and considerate of other peoples noses. I’d rather my boyfriend remember me smelling like cinnamon and vanilla. Not rotten eggs and sewage.
I’ve blogged on this topic before in February, about when the appropriate time is to have the ‘fart talk’, only I didn’t confess I was one of the women I wrote about.
One of many commenters said “it’s okay for guys to pass gas and burp but the ladies cannot … sorry this is a double standard i know.” While others shared stories of having waited three months or more before farting in front of their partner.
“Yes, breaching the fart wall does symbolize a certain level of trust/intimacy/whatever,” Darren H said.
What a strange relationship my boyfriend and I have though. He lets it rip and I just sort of crunch up my face and tell him he’s disgusting.
Well, I take comfort knowing I’m not the lone sufferer of fartophobia.
A close friend while on vacation overseas wouldn’t use the bathroom in the hotel room she shared with her boyfriend. She’d hold it in and rush off to the loo in the lobby or restaurant.
Some men believe women don’t poop and she was determined to keep it that way.
I’m with ya, girl.
For more flatulent fun, check out this funny YouTube video — Breaking the barrier.
Categories: General
Here’s a response you may not get often…I am a guy…married to my second wife for almost 4 years now, and I have never farted with her in the room. I can’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t do it in front of my mother, because my brothers and father did, and she hated it. I didn’t do it in front of my first wife either. Maybe that makes me strange, I don’t know.
that is just rediculous. Just FART!!!! He will probably laugh. There are way more important things out there than obsessing about bodily functions! the last guy I dated I told him the first date i farted and now we are married.
How immature. I bet you get embarrassed to say poop too. Grow up it is a human function. The only way we can rid ourselves of the double standard it to get over ourselves. Obviously there is no trust or intimacy in your relationships if you can’t be yourself, flaws and all.
Some people should keep their “bodily functions” to themselves, that’s for sure. Immature? Hardly. She’s quite mature since she cares about people around her. I understand how she feels and I honestly think it’s immature to burp/release gas in front of others, unless everyone is fine with it. Maybe you just don’t realize how disgusting it can be for some people. It’s all about respect. We don’t want to smell all the rotten crap in your guts.
The other day my wife passed an SBD (Silent but Deadly) fart. It was so bad I thought someone pulled their trailer tank valve. After we found out what really happened, just laughed for 1/2 hour and even our neighbours got the jist of it!!
So be human!!
Ha this is epic. First i want to thank the author for keeping up with “men don’t think women poop” I just loved this, even as a man i was leary of farting in front of my gf, we were together almost 7 years before i was comfortable enough to fart infront of her. BUT i assure you it will happen, if you share a bed, you fart in your sleep he is awake, he hears you, he probably just doesnt bring it up to mortify you! if he loves you he loves you, shitting your pants won’t change that!
Long road trip together and bag of fresh cherries will cure you.
Are you kidding me? The fact that my wife farts out loud is hilarios and the kids and i have a huge laugh every time. Jesus Christ get real. Everybody today is either so politically correct or soft or whatever. Its just a goddam fart.
My husband and child (male) fart all the time and burp. They do it at the dinner table which I do not like. Who wants burp spray on your food you just prepared or eat with the smell of gas in the air. I do fart in front of my family no problem. Usually they make a big deal out of it and I just say “19 to go!!!” On average humans fart 20 times a day. In public it is a different thing. My husband farts and burps in public and thinks it is funny. I am really embarrassed if it is really smelly or he burps at a nice restaurant. Manners please in public.
It’s only a fart. If your “loved one” cannot handle a fart, can they handle worse. What if you fell ill or became severely injured…put in a wheel chair…an amputee of sorts…if a fart bothers them can you imagine much worse. Perhaps they are not the person you should be with in you life’s journey. The one that truly loves you will love you for everthing you are and do…including pooping and farting.
Why can’t you all just grow up.
The EWWWWWWWWWW factor is destroying our planet with all the stupid products people buy and things being flushed into a sewage systems not designed to process such things.
People- get real and get in touch with your normal bodily functions. Why are so many so fearful of what is normal? Maybe if women farted in their boyfriends faces, boyfriends would stop farting in front of them or would stop thinking it’s funny. What? Are boys real people but girls are not?
5 years before I farted in front of my husband! I was mortified, he laughed hysterically! I’m with you on this one. Ladies are supposed to be just that – ladies. Keep it in the bathroom if you can (although the odd slip will keep him laughing)!
I can tell you when you reach 60 years of age it is hard to control when you pass gas….sometimes every step you take, is a bad one and try and stop it…..nothing works. My boss has been married for 20 years and she says she has never passed gas in front of her husband. I just pass gas now, I figure if by the age of 60 my husband doesn’t know my habits well then “Houston we have a problem”…..yes he still laughs he thinks women passing gas is funny. At the end of the day there are worse things in life to stress about, this isn’t one of them.
Wow. If you’re that afraid to pass gas in front of him, what will you do if you take things to the next level and have kids? What do you think happens while in the middle of labour and delivery LOL! Get over yourself lmaooo
Really? Are you going to live in fear of passing gas your entire life? How does your bf feel on women and child birth? That can get messy. Ask him his thoughts diaper changes if these questions make him raise an eyebrow or sent him right through the door running it is time to find a new bf, one that lives on planet earth.
Here I sit with a broken heart,yesterday was in public and could’nt fart. Today I decided to take the chance, let er go and shit my pants. Non farters beware.
I have a suggestion for those who have fartfobias…get yourself one of those whoopi cushions, try it when they least expect it and u will break the barrier for sure! It may crack u up or blow up in your face..take the chance, have some fun, it ‘s a normal human function and don’t be a piglet about it. I like a good fart joke and maybe another suggestion watch the good ole classic movie “Blazing Saddles”.
Girl I am with you 100%. I have that fear too! I can never let them out in front of my boyfriend of over a year! And I never try to have a bowel movement around him or anything. I just think ladies should be lady like, I am comfortable around him, and I don’t want him to think I’m not because I won’t pass gas, but I just think if I do it I would be sooo embarrassed and humiliated. He does it all the time with no problem! But I just can’t seem to do it. And yes if I am in a hotel with him, I try to go to the lobby or somewhere else. If I’m in my house, I use the back bathroom and turn on the sink and make sure he is busy doing something so he doesn’t come looking for me and look in the bathroom or something. I know exactly what you mean. I thought I was the only one. Haha But Traci has a good idea to break the barrier, I really might try it! Lol