I have a confession to make.
It’s been two years and I’ve never tooted in front of my boyfriend.
Some people have fears of heights and spiders. Well, my fear is passing gas — especially in front of him.
My boyfriend and I moved in together in January (to his not-so private loft) and all I could think about is how I’m going to keep my Number 2′s in the bathroom to an ultra-low decibel. I’ve turned on the tap, ran the shower, talked loudly, blasted the TV — nearly everything to keep him from overhearing my lady movements.
Just the thought of him hearing a splash in the toilet or echo off the porcelain makes me squirm and cringe with the utmost embarrassment. Am I being dramatic? Sure. But my fears are very real and ingrained.
See, the thing is, for a long time I’ve had this weird thing about people even saying the F word. (Fart).
I can think of many times I’ve felt the need to release a bit of pressure and I’ve held it in because he was in the room. Stomach aches do occur, I admit. However, it’s been two years. Why cross that line now?
Don’t get me wrong, we’ve talked about these below the belt events, I know it’s only natural. However, he and many other guys I know think it’s totally gross when women pass gas. And I agree! Guys are pigs, so sure they fart. But women, they’re polite and considerate of other peoples noses. I’d rather my boyfriend remember me smelling like cinnamon and vanilla. Not rotten eggs and sewage.
I’ve blogged on this topic before in February, about when the appropriate time is to have the ‘fart talk’, only I didn’t confess I was one of the women I wrote about.
One of many commenters said “it’s okay for guys to pass gas and burp but the ladies cannot … sorry this is a double standard i know.” While others shared stories of having waited three months or more before farting in front of their partner.
“Yes, breaching the fart wall does symbolize a certain level of trust/intimacy/whatever,” Darren H said.
What a strange relationship my boyfriend and I have though. He lets it rip and I just sort of crunch up my face and tell him he’s disgusting.
Well, I take comfort knowing I’m not the lone sufferer of fartophobia.
A close friend while on vacation overseas wouldn’t use the bathroom in the hotel room she shared with her boyfriend. She’d hold it in and rush off to the loo in the lobby or restaurant.
Some men believe women don’t poop and she was determined to keep it that way.
I’m with ya, girl.
For more flatulent fun, check out this funny YouTube video — Breaking the barrier.