Forget bacon for breakfast and whisky at the bar. Bacon and whisky have a new place — in the bedroom.
I don’t know what’s up with the surge in new random flavours of personal lubricant coming out but somebody must be buying the stuff.
The latest lube landed in the form of a pitch in my email box on Thursday at 7:43 a.m.
“EpicMealTime is pleased to announce the launch of Whiskey Dick, the world’s first bourbon-flavored personal lubricant. You’re welcome.”
I nearly spat my tea out. Who drops the D word before 8 a.m.?
They go on to say it’s the gold-standard of booze-flavoured massage oils, with claims it’s aged for four years in white oak casks for a “velvety-smooth” finish.
Let’s pause for a moment. Is there actually alcohol in it? Wouldn’t that burn down there and pose a fire hazard? Maybe do a patch test first and avoid lighting those votive candles on the bedside table just in case.
As for Baconlube, it actually began as an April Fool’s prank but then customers demanded it to be made reality, according to the manufacturer J&D’s website. They even had more than 3,000 people on a waiting list for the stuff. (Who are these people?)
I had a sample sent over for a story I did a while back . I gotta admit I was pretty excited for the stuff to come in the mail, although a little awkward on my daily trips to the mail room to ask if my Baconlube arrived.
It caused quite a stir around the office when it came last December. Most people who smelled the oily fluid made a stink face and said it was awful.
The sniff test proved it definitely had a smoky bacony-scent. One brave soul even tasted it and liked it.
For the record, I didn’t *try* it. I’m somewhat adventurous in the bacon realm. I love bacon cookies, even chocolate dipped bacon.
I also love bacon and who doesn’t love sex, however the two should never be combined.
As my colleague, Steve Tilley pointed out, “That’s why brunch is so popular. People wake up, have sex and then go eat bacon!”