Make Canoe my Homepage

‘Super Mario Bros.’ beaten in under 5 minutes

- June 28th, 2014

You’ve been playing Super Mario Bros. wrong your entire life.

Okay, maybe not your entire life. I mean, the game only came out in 1985. But I doubt you’ve ever played it like this.

YouTube user LordSaradoc posted a video of himself breaking the speed run world record for the Nintendo classic.

Super Mario Bros. world record speed run

“Super Mario Bros.” world record speed run. (Video Screenshot)

If you are not familiar with speed runs, they are exactly what they sound like. The point is to beat the game in the shortest time possible. The score is irrelevant. LordSaradoc, or Blubbler as he’s known on the Speed Demos Archives Forum, managed to beat the game with a time of 4:57.69. (The previous world record time, according to Kotaku, was 4:58:09.)

The player, of course, got this low time in part due to skipping over levels. As is largely known among Super Mario players, you can warp to world 4-1 from 1-2 and to world 8-1 from 4-2. (The record for not skipping levels in 19:12.)

But also key to the run is the player didn’t concern himself with getting coins or killing minions. He completed the game with a score of 102,150 but only collected a measly 25 coins and killed a paltry eight baddies – nine if you count King Koopa (aka Bowser).

He also took advantage of a glitch in world 8 that allowed him to run over a few short gaps, instead of jumping. Also in world 8-2, another glitch saved him a second or two, as Mario didn’t have to run from the flag to the castle. (As these programming errors, taking advantage of them is not considered cheating.)

All in all, it’s a pretty impressive feat. You can watch the run below.

How am I supposed to drown my Sims now?

- June 26th, 2014

In an announcement on blog Wednesday, Sim Guru Ryan confirmed that it will not be possible to build swimming pools in The Sims 4 when the game launches in September.

In addition, the game will not include toddlers. This development I am less concerned with as, ultimately, the toddlers were just a nuisance that interrupting my Sims’ partying. (Though apparently you can create teens and babies, so I’m not sure why toddlers are out.)

The Sims 4

“The Sims 4.” (Supplied)

Read more…

Mass Effect and Frozen together at last in “I Should Go”

- June 21st, 2014

Sure, Frozen’s “Let It Go” is a catchy enough tune, but it lacks a certain something. What is it? Oh right, references to space sex and saving the universe from the Reaper scourge!

Here to change all that is Soundcloud user geekfitgirl, whose Frozen/Mass Effect parody “I Should Go” is not only deliciously nerdy, but also intricately penned and beautifully belted out.

Oh, and you might as well put away your red, green and blue cupcakes right now, haters, since geekfitgirl concludes: “The end never bothered me anyway.”

h/t The Mary Sue

Five ways Assassin’s Creed: Unity feels fresh

- June 17th, 2014

There’s been a new Assassin’s Creed game almost every year since 2007, yet Ubisoft’s biggest franchise still manages to impress. This year, it’s Assassin’s Creed Unity, and it’s being built from the ground up for next-gen systems.

While technically the seventh major game in the series and a successor to last year’s ocean-spanning pirate adventure, Assassin’s Creed IV: Blag Flag, Unity takes advantage of new technology and fresh ideas that could shakeup the familiar Assassin’s Creed formula. Here’s five things about Unity that I learned from Technical Director James Therien during a demonstration at E3 last week.

Read more…

Final Fantasy XIV to allow same-sex marriage

- June 10th, 2014


Final Fantasy XIV has decided that video-game love is video-game love, video-game gender be damned.

Director and producer Naoki Yoshida announced at E3 Tuesday that Square Enix will add same-sex marriage — or same-sex “eternal bonding ceremonies” — to Final Fantasy XIV via a patch.

“We discussed it, and we realized within Eorzea, why should there be restrictions on who pledges their love or friendship to each other? And so we decided to go this way,” Yoshida said.

Much like real life, in-game marriage brings certain privileges. Unlike in real life, those privileges are less about, say, insurance and  more about “special mounts that only people who pledged their love and friendship can ride.”

Your move, Nintendo.

h/t Kotaku