In the world of advertising, there are celebrity endorsements and then there are celebrity endorsements.
Imagine, for a moment, that you are in charge of a business.
You decide you need a celebrity to endorse your product or service, informing the public about its virtues in the process.
Which well-known personalities would be on your short list to hire?
Dream as big as you like.
Who has an influential enough presence to trust with the monumental task of creating brand awareness in our crowded global marketplace?
Would it be movie star Will Smith? How about singing sensation Beyonce? Or maybe just-retired soccer legend David Beckham?
Perhaps you’d rather go with song-and-dance man Justin Timberlake? Or serial dater Taylor Swift? Perhaps hottie du jour Kate Upton has the profile you require to sell your wares?
But wait just a second. I have an idea.
What if I told you there was an even bigger name, a celebrity endorser who is recognized around the world in every nation?
You might think such an endorser would charge a lot to appear in TV commercials, viral videos and glossy magazine. But what if I told you His endorsement could be had for free?
Nor will you have to deal with any pesky agents.
I am, of course, talking about God — the all-knowing, all-seeing, omnipotent creator of the universe and all life, who steers the course of all living things by virtue of having unlimited power and knowledge. Who else?
Sure, a celebrity like Tiger Woods is handsome and he’s a great golfer — but does he exist in all living things at all times? Can he control the destiny of every human being, living or dead? Can he alter the course of Earth’s history with the merest thought?
I’ll grant you Tiger is a wiz with a putter, but the truth is he can’t even turn water into wine or make the blind see again.
You don’t have to believe in God to know he’s a worldwide phenomenon.
And I know what you’re probably thinking: Who would have the nerve to use God to endorse something as mundane as consumer wares?
The very idea seems tacky in the extreme.
It would take balls as big as church bells because you’d run the risk of alienating every believer of every stripe. Heck, you might even piss off some agnostics and even atheists.
But there is at least one company that has the requisite gumption.
You might have heard of them — they’re called Christian Mingle and they’re an online dating service for Christians. Their TV and radio spots are ubiquitous.
The fine folks at Christian Mingle don’t use a mere computer to match up their clients with one another; instead, they call on divine intervention. “Find God’s match for you,” goes their oft-repeated slogan.
How could any good Christian resist a pitch like that?
How could anyone at all go with Plenty of Fish or Lavalife, when Christian Mingle purports to do the Lord’s work?
Think about it: Why would you leave something as important as the choice of your life partner up to anyone else, when Christian Mingle has the author of all of our fates working for them? No other dating site has God’s seal of approval.
Come to think of it, it’s pretty noble of God to lower himself to being a pitchman for Christian Mingle. I guess He isn’t happy just determining the outcome of NFL football games, He also wants to make sure you have a fabulous first date.
So other advertisers can have their Hollywood starlets and their high-paid sports figures; I think you’ll agree that they all pale when compared to the endorsing powers of the Almighty.
And perhaps this is only the start of a larger trend.
If He has chosen to shower Christian Mingle with His favour, who’s to say God won’t clear His busy schedule to endorse other products as well. I can see it now — “Find God’s hemorrhoid cream for you.”