Grant Rants

Archive for the ‘the stupid it burns’ Category

The stupid it burns: anti-vampireism and bald as a hair colour edition

- May 14th, 2012

Greetings heathens, zealots, web denizens, and the rest of you!

Ok, I have some ranty mojo brewing today and I’m in need of a target. Fortunately, the world is a big place with more stupid than it is possible to catalog, and it was easy enough to find one. Just up the highway in fact. In Toronto, that mythical center of the known universe.

Specifically, a column by rabbi Dow Marmur, who evidently doesn’t like us heathens very much.  The problem with we atheists, he says in a meandering column in the Toronto Star, is that we are pretty much like jihadists:

I’ve, therefore, consistently refused to engage in debates with atheists. They may consider me a cowardly man of little faith who’s afraid of exposing himself to the truth, but impartial observers will know that contemporary atheists are often even more fanatical than religious fundamentalists. Their zeal seems to know no bounds.

Interesting. Last time I checked, the most fanatical religious fundamentalists in North America try to have their dogmatic nonsense taught in science classes and are obsessed with telling women what they can do with their bodies, including a hilarious Republican bill that passed recently in Arizona that defined pregnancy as starting two weeks before conception. (no, that is not a punch line.) In even more extreme cases in North America, Europe, and of course, the middle east, the fundamentalist set is busy killing other people, often using that delightful method employed by the truly deluded, suicide bombing.

Atheists write books and blogs.thestupiditburns Oh, the horror, the horror.

He Marmur points to Alian de Botton’s weird newish book Religion for Atheists, where in de Botton says he wants to build atheist temples, as some manner of evidence that atheism itself is becoming a religion (which is why we are worse than the worst religious fundamentalists….you know without the bombs and such) and in fact, heathens have “religion-envy.”

Ok, look, first de Botton strange book was greeted with disinterest by the atheist community, such as it even exists, and the most anyone could say about it was “uh, what?”

It’s true, there are atheists who seem to want to ape the group cohesion provided by most religions, but it’s an attitude I’ve always found puzzling. It’s why I don’t belong to any skeptic/atheist/humanist groups nor go to regular meetings. I don’t have any need to get together with people to talk about what I don’t believe in. I tend to, this rant notwithstanding, focus my commentary in his regard on attempts to breach the wall between church and state, or religious attempts to undermine basic freedoms like freedom of speech, or attempts to win converts by stealth (like the ongoing efforts of the Gideons to be given access to elementary public school children.) But sit around and talk about why I don’t believe in the existence of gods? Zzzzzz. Please. I’d almost rather watch Glee.

Marmur’s entire argument crumbles because it starts with a false premise. He treats atheism as though it’s a thing like Christianity or Scientology or Jedism something. The tacit assumption he makes is that atheism is a complete philosophical entity, with dogmas, and rules and holy books and, I would guess, priests or clerics or some sort that one obeys. And uses this argument as he defends the excesses and violence of religion:

Because religion is articulated and administered by human beings, it often falls short of its stated ideals — just like atheism.

Really? Really, Rabbi Marmur? And what ideals are those exactly? Where do I find them? Where, in the name of Zeus’ holy toga, do I find the “stated ideals” of atheism?

Look man, atheism is barely a thing at all. All atheism is just not believing in a god or gods. Period. QED. End of frakkin’ story. The only reason we have a name for it at all is because historically everyone around us has been totally hell bent for leather on this whole god business.

I mean, even the name “atheism” is pretty stupid because it dignifies the thing that it denies. Look, I don’t believe in vampires or big foot either, right? But there is no need to run about calling myself am “anosferatuist,” or an “asasquatchist,” is there. The bottom line is that atheism is a religion like bald is a hair colour. The “ism” at the end makes it all sound fancy, I guess, but it isn’t.

I pretty well agree with Neil deGrasse Tyson on this front when he says “at the end of the day I’d rather not be any category at all.”

Even the so called “atheist community” is a disjointed lot that is only bound by the disbelief in the supernatural and generally shared respect for science, evidence and reason. There is also some broad agreements on the values of democracy, freedom of speech and the like. Beyond that, it is pretty well, to use the cliche, like herding cats. Disagreements abound. Yes, Hitchens, Dawkins, Dennet, Harris, PZ Myers and a few others are the most public and well known of the so called “New Atheists” (which is only new by the authors refusal to shut up when told.) but they constantly disagree. Tyson and Dawkins’s disagree over how to talk about science and religion in popular culture. Myers recently took Harris to task over issues of racial profiling at airports. And I’ve lost track of how many non-believers were sharply critical of Hitchen’s views on the Iraq war.

But I am sure Marmur will tell us where in that mess there are the “ideals” of atheism. Or is that the sound of cricket’s chipping?

About the only thing that Marmur gets right is that religion allows people to form a community of believers and atheism doesn’t do this. Well, yes. So what? De Botton’s goofy book aside, how is that supposed to an argument against atheism, or put more correctly, for religion? Does it demonstrate the existence of a god? Because that is what it would take, son. That pesky thing call evidence sort of matters.

Ultimately, Marmur’s entire argument seems to boil down to the idea that religion makes you feel good, and atheism doesn’t. I suppose that could be right. Atheism provides no guidebook, no bromide of any sort. Attempts to make it do so are as foolish as attempting to grasp quicksilver. To me, not having that kind of crutch is freeing. Yes, life can be miserable. It can suck. It will, as Rocky says. “beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently  if you let it.”

Speaking only for myself, I would rather harden myself to deal with it than rely on help that isn’t there because it makes me feel good to believe there is. I would rather deal with life as it is, honestly, and be miserable than to cling to some manner of false hope. If atheism is a thing at all, it’s living life on your own terms, taking the awful and the good as they come.

Living on sunshine: When the burning stupid kills

- April 26th, 2012

Greetings heathens, zealots, web denizens and the rest of you!

There is burning stupid we can mock, and then there is the kind of atomic burning stupid that you really would mock if its results were not so tragic.

Take this story coming out of Switzerland, by way of a for instance. A woman in her 50s starved to death because she decided to stop eating and drinking and was living instead on sunlight…you know, like her blood wasn’t made of hemoglobin but chlorophyll. Why did she think that this would work? Because she watched some moronic film about a Indian guru who claims to have lived without food or water for 70 years.thestupiditburns

No, this was not a story from the Onion. It was real. This woman died because of a fanatical belief in a (painfully obvious) fraud. The human body is an amazing thing. It can adapt to all kinds of stressful situations. People have gone without food during fasts for 20 days or more. (although you can bet they were not in great health by the end of it.) But that cannot last for long. And you cut water out of the equation and well, that time frame gets reduced from weeks to days at best.  In short, no one lives long without fuel. Certainly we cannot live on sunlight. Cause you know, we aren’t plants. And even plants need water.

The poor woman died.  Wasn’t there anyone around, friends or family to look out for her? Wasn’t there a neighbour or something who said “Hey, Alice from 3b is looking a little on the crypt keeper side of things lately, huh? Maybe we should check on her?”

I am honestly not sure what is more pathetic about this story: That someone could be so taken in by obvious hokum that they died, or it seems that no one was around to notice she was wasn’t eating and was wasting away.

In the inverse Law of Bill Donohue

- April 13th, 2012

There is a universal fact. Like gravity. Or the awesomeness of Mass Effect 3. (yes, yes some fanboys are having mental melt downs about the endings, but I figure they have been indoctrinated. If you don’t get that joke, go play the game! Seriously…go!)

Essentially, if Bill Donohue’s Catholic League in the United States hates something, it’s probably something worth checking out. His most recent explosion of hot hair is about the Three Stooges remake. There are lots of reasons to be offended by this remake. Remaking the Stooges is like remaking Casablanca. Sure you can do it, but there isn’t a single reason for it. The trailer for the thing looks Zeus awful and pretty well indicates the Stooges, classic though they were, were indeed products of their own time. I can easily think of a bazillion things I would rather do than see it. And yes, bazillion is a word.

However, this is not what upsets the always upset Bill Donohue, the grand pooba of the Catholic League. What upsets him is that a nun in the film appears in a bikini, aka the “nun-kini.” I guess Billy is upset because nuns cannot wear bikinis. It says so in the Bible or something, maybe. This the same guy who attacks films, books and other art if it offends his porcelain sensibilities in the slightest. This is the same guy who claimed that Hollywood was run by, and I quote: “secular Jews who hate Christianity in general and Catholicism in particular. It’s not a secret, OK? And I’m not afraid to say it.” (He said that in defense of the ghastly “Passion of the Christ” film.  So bikinis on film bad. Two hours of watching a guy get graphically tortured, that’s ok. Just sayin’)

Anyway, in keeping with the Inverse Law of Donohue, and although it will likely injure my brain, I’ll have to check out the movie.

I get email: God needs a sponsor

- April 10th, 2012

Greetings heathens, zealots, web denizens, and the rest of you!

So by now I am used to getting email from religionists who are hell bent, if you will excuse the phrase, on converting me. Mostly Christians. On very rare occasions Muslims. Never Jews or Buddhists though. Weird that.

Anyway, I am actually not sure what religion this email is supposed to represent. ChristIslam or something I guess. It’s an email asking me to sponsor “God Allah” (which technically speaking would translate to “god god”. But never mind the fine details.) for the resurrection. So I guess this is like a walk-a-thon of some kind? You sponsor god, and for ever $5 he raises he resurrects a Hebrew carpenter? Well, you tell me then!thestupiditburns

Also it appears that god will just take anyone to be sponsor him. It’s been a while since I have been in Sunday school, but I distinctly remember the big fella being somewhat more discerning about who he choose to as someone to smite or be a minion. And of course, as always, it appears god needs money. Like the late George Carlin used to say, he’s all powerful and all knowing but he just cannot handle money!

Finally, since when did god get an email address? What happened to the burning bush method of communication? Who’s his service provider? I assume he is using wireless tech. Not sure how one extends a coaxial cable into the afterlife…

Anyway, this certainly goes  in my file of “most bizarre and nonsensical emails that do not involve a politician or Glee.” Enjoy:

Official Third Millennium Arrival of GOD ALLAH
**********************************
Allah wants to partner with you for the purpose of saving planet Earth.
Allah wants to locate sponsors for The Resurrection.
All applicants automatically accepted ; however, We require more sponsors which may include business, organizations, communities, and groups.
Please do reach out to Us over email; We respond within twenty-four hours or sooner. Thank you for your review.
Love,
ALLAH

Vic Toews, Jean-Luc Picard and drumheads

- February 16th, 2012

Greetings heathens, zealots, web denizens, and the rest of you!

I had an epiphany the other day. Now, this is going to sound a little ka-ray-zee, but bear with me. I think it will eventually make sense.

Our federal politicians need to take a break for a month and do nothing but watch Star Trek. Not the new movie, although it was pretty geektastic. And certainly not Voyager or the last, trippy season of DS9 (seriously does ANYONE understand the series finale? That thing was Lost before Lost was Lost.)

No, I am talking about the Next Generation. In particular, an episode (my fav. of the series actually) entitled “Drumhead” – named after a particularly ghastly 19th century military tradition in Europe where soldiers were tried on the battlefield in vicious kangroo courts. If you were called to one, well, you didn’t need to worry about polishing your boots ever again.

The basic plot is that there was a traitor onboard the Enterprise, which triggers this crazy witch hunt for more traitors. A kangroo court is convened, and any opposition to the process is regarded as a sign of guilt and treachery. The whole sad affair is finally brought to end by our favorite bald captain (after an innocent person’s career is ruined) with a short but brilliant speech about civil liberties:

 (The key bits from the episode are definitely worth watching, particularly the opening scene.)

So why am I going on about this bit of science fiction fun? Because it seems to me to the writers of Star Trek have a better grip on the balance between safety and privacy than our current crop of election officials.

I’m referring in particular to  federal Public Safety Minister Vic Toews. This week he brought forward a internet surveillance bill — originally called the Lawful Access Act, but since that sounds slightly sketchy, the name was quickly changed to the much more cheerful  Protecting Children from Internet Predators Act — that caused a whole lot of people go sit up and go “uh, yah, hold the phone.”

Essentially, the bill would force internet service providers to hand data on their customers – name, address, phone number, email address  and IP address – over to the police upon request without a warrant. Internet service providers would also have to install software and hardware to record the activity of its customers so the police could access it, although getting at that would require a warrant.

Needless to say this whole getting access to private info about citizens without a warrant stuff caused privacy experts and web denizens to have a freak out. It’s not that anyone says the police shouldn’t, when justified, be able to get that kind of information in timely manner (Internet service providers already cooperate with police requests something like 94% of the time, making the bill itself moot.) It’s just that they shouldn’t be able to get it willy-nilly. Police cannot come into your home, or get your phone records on a whim, so why should they be able to grab your internet info without a warrant?

All reasonable objections to Toews’ pet project. How did our public safety minister react? Did he take these criticisms seriously? Did he try to explain how the privacy of Canadian’s would not be abused should his bill become law?

No.

What he said was that critics of the bill can “can either stand with us or with the child pornographers.” thestupiditburns

That’s right. According to Mr. Toews,  if you question what the government is doing you are in league with criminal deviants who hunt children.

Clearly, a rational response.

We’ve heard this sort of pygmy minded nonsense from the feds before. Defense Minister Peter MacKay used to use this line with those who disagreed with the government’s plan to buy new fighter jets. If you debated the issue, he’d say, you hurt the morale of our troops and that would get them killed, so just shut the hell up would you?

The internet bill rationale being kicked around gets even more ridiculous, with some saying that, well, if you are not guilty of anything you don’t need to worry about it, do you? Even the writers of a science fiction TV show knew this kind of police state drivel was nonsense. I mean, seriously, how much trouble are we in when Captain Picard makes more sense than our elected officials?

So I am going to say this as plainly as I can before my head explodes out of frustration thinking about this:

Dear Conservative politicians: Canadians who disagree with you are not automatically siding with terrorists and criminals. It is possible to have a policy disagreement with you without being some kind of super-villain. When you suggest the only option is to agree with you or destroy the country, you make us want to lock you all in a room where you have to sit beside someone who is knitting something that isn’t there whilst endless singing the Coconut song. (Just saying that already put the song in your head, didn’t it? So don’t push us.)

If that isn’t clear enough let me try it in words of less than two syllables: Stop it!

So, Mr. Toews and gang, take a break, buy some Star Trek DVDs and maybe you’ll learn something.

The radioactive super-stupid: American pizzas become a vegetable

- November 17th, 2011

Greetings heathens, zealots, web denizens, and the rest of you!

Once, I thought the phrase “The stupid, it burns,” was sufficient to capture a level of idiocy that tends to penetrate society. Politics, religion, Glee…it all seemed to be captured in those four magical words.

Alas, I was wrong.

See, I have now encountered a stupid that more than just burns. This is not ordinary stupid. This stupid is so stupid that “stupid” is a stupid word to use to describe it. It is worse than burning. It’s like direct exposure to nuclear waste that doesn’t bake you right away, but slowly kills you one piece at a time over several years.thestupiditburns

I refer to perhaps the most ridiculous decision ever made in the United States by its federal government. It’s ridiculous enough to make the Rick Perrys and the Sarah Palins of the universe seem like Mensa members.

According to the United States federal government, the seat of the democracy in the free world, a pizza is now a vegetable.

Now look, I will accept all manner of silly when it comes to food. For instance, I used to sometimes tell my vegetarian friends that I too was a veghead. To which they said, “Shut up and don’t eat with your mouth full of steak.” To which I said (between bites to be polite)  “Cows eat grass. Grass is a vegetable. I eat the cow. Ergo, I am a vegetarian.” What normally followed the launching of tofu at my head while I ran away cackling like the Joker.

But there does a come point when faced with the radioactive super-stupid, that that it ceases to be funny because it actually kills important brain cells.

So according to Congress, pizza can be sold as a healthy alternative in public schools because – and if you have an asthma inhaler, this is the part where you will want to get it out – is contains tomato sauce. Somehow, the bread, grease, meat, and whatever else is on there doesn’t count. The tomato sauce is what seals the deal.

Ok, so the first thing here is that A TOMATO IS A FRUIT! It’s not even a vegetable! IT’S JUST NOT! You cannot say four plus four equals nine because you like the symmetry of having two letter Ns in  a word.

I mean, how far gone do you have to be? That is like watching a deer get shot by a hunter and claiming the deer committed suicide. Or like saying the Sun goes around the Earth. Or like saying classic Battlestar Galactica is better than the re imagined Battlestar Galatica. Or that the Moebius Silver Surfer is better than than the Kirby Silver Surfer. OR THAT A TOMATO IS A VEGETABLE!

A tomato is a fruit. Like an orange. Or the stuff in the heads of the lawmakers who made this decision.

This doesn’t even touch the idea that a food stuff made up of several food groups gets reduced to the label “vegetable”. That is a tad like looking at the Winter Olympics and saying it’s a curling tournament.

This makes such little sense that I can feel myself getting dumber contemplating it. What’s the rationale? The food group pyramid is triangle shaped and pizza is often cut into the shape of triangles….so….well YOU explain it then!

Sorry, but if I continue down this road much longer, I might give myself a stroke. Uck.

Can’t be bothered to wash your hands? 2319! 2319!

- July 29th, 2011

Since there are still those who choose to try and go in and out of our local hospitals – all of which are dealing with C. difficile outbreaks – without washing your hands, I have a suggestion for the Niagara Health System.

I know you have security guards at your entrances now monitoring people who come and go, but I’m not sure the message is getting across. The guards, the hand wash stations, the big red signs….its just all a little subtle, don’t you think?

So to encourage people to take 30 seconds out of their days to wash their hands and no spread plague around the hospital or out in the community, I suggest you the members of the CDA. A few incidents like this and I guarantee you hand washing compliance will no longer be a problem:

The stupid, it burns: Facebook vs. my sanity edition

- July 11th, 2011

Greetings heathens, zealots, web denizens and the rest of you!

I’m convinced that Facebook is waging some kind of psychological warfare on me. It’s relentless. Merciless. It stops at nothing to inflict upon me the hottest, fiery burning stupid it can possibly create.

It will come as no surprise to anyone that  Facebook is an epic domain of the burning stupid in a way that can eclipse even Glee.  It’s staggering what you can find on there if you spend a few minutes looking. I mean it’s common place to see a couple having it out in series of posts and the whole time you are thinking “why aren’t you two having this conversation IN PERSON. We’re not cyborgs yet!” (Although the robot apocalypse is surely coming.)

Then there is the guy who took a woman hostage, had the police outside, and posted about the whole thing on Facebook until he finally was arrested. First off, everyone knows that Twitter is really the more effective forum for this sort of thing and two, just how far gone do you have to be? Bad enough you took someone hostage and shot at police, but you are going to document the entire thing in public? Criminals are stupid.thestupiditburns

But the serious assaults launched upon my brain by Facebook comes in a much more subtle fashion, mostly from the ads that frequently vie for your attention on the right hand side of the screen. Facebook must use some kind of algorithm to place “personalized” ads. Like if you were constantly posting stuff about, say, how much you love Glee, you would always see ads about the Heart of Darkness and brain damage. In my case, I get carpet bombed with ads about religion.

This is because, I suppose, I often post links to stuff by Hitchens, Harris, Dawkins and the like. Atheist stuff. You know, cause I’m an atheist. In the warped mind of the Facebook adbots, this means I must want to buy religious stuff. It’s like if you posted a lot of stuff about the Beatles, and then got lots of ads about buying Glee CDs. You’d just want to pull your hair out.

I get ads for the oxymoronically named “Liberty University” – the outfit started by Jerry Falwell that regards evolution as affront to their religion – faith healers, psychic fairs, and Muslim dating websites. (I know, I was surprised those existed too.)

But this latest one takes the cake. I defy anyone to explain what in Odin’s empty eye socket this is supposed to be selling. Take a look:

CrazyasYup. They are selling a “blessed divine mercy quantum pendant” PLUS the science of wellness energy for life! Not to vent about this, but that is that even supposed to be? It’s totally meaningless. You just strung together a bunch of words, you jerks!

It’s like I could sell “Thor’s Mango Singularity Bracelet + Science of Quasar Cooking” I mean, what? How damaged would your brain have to be to think that meant anything?

Also curious is the price point. Apparently this blessed quantum pendant is normally worth $200. I can only surmise that it is initially constructed using the CERN particle accelerator in Geneva and then shipped to the Pope to be blessed. Hence the 200 clams they would usually ask. But NO! For a limited time you can buy this insane junk meant for suckers pendant for the low low price of $29! I guess quantum powered knick knacks just don’t sell like they used to.

I actually decided to check out the website in the ad, mostly because I must be into self abuse. In a completely bizarre video, they claim that these pendants were made using volcanic lava (as opposed to the other kinds of lava one can find on every street corner, I guess.) and will protect your family using something called “scalar energy.” (scalar fields are part of quantum theory in physics, although never observed in nature, contrary what the snake oil pendant sales folks will tell you.) If you Google it, you’ll all manner of loony references to scalar bracelets and pendants and whatever.

It’s really no different than those insipid Q-Ray Bracelets. Remember those? The hideous bracelets with teeny magnets in them that was supposed to cure all that ails you? You can still find infomericals about them from time to time, although they no longer contain specific claims about health and wellness because Health Canada told them stop. Turns out, you just cannot run about making health claims about something that does absolutely nothing. If only Health Canada would crack down on the homeopaths and Feng Shui peddlers too.

Anyway, the point being that if you are ever considering buying a super blessed, quantum scalar amazing health wellness Thor’s mango pendant…don’t. It’s just junk and has nothing to with science, or health, or wellness, or mangos.

Look there is a basic rule I have about people who start talking about quantum mechanics. It’s a very complex and confusing science. There aren’t many people who understand it and those that do tend to be highly educated brainiac types. Your average Joe Slob, like you and me, don’t understand it. We cannot even really come close to understanding it unless we decide to really invest time in serious physics education. So when you hear someone start talking about quantum physics in relations to jewelry, or spirits, or religion or whatever, just throw a pie in their face. It’s like the physicist Richard Feyman once said: “if you think you understand quantum theory, you don’t understand quantum theory.”

Bishop DiMarzio? Meet Thomas Jefferson.

- June 29th, 2011

Greetings heathens, zealots, web denizens and the rest of you!

It’s been a few days since I last blogged, readers of the Rant. Been on vacation, then got my powers back after walking to my North Pole fortress, saved the world, fixed the White House, flew into orbit and smiled for the camera….no wait, that’s Superman 2….my bad.

Anywhoo, what did catch my eye upon my return from vacation was that New York State became the sixth state in the US to allow gay marriage. This is good news, thinks I, because it could well be a signal that this long, tired and pointless debate might soon be over.

Wishful thinking right?

The notion that gay couples deserve to be treated under the law the same way as straight ones strikes me as a no brainer. Democracy might not be prefect but, to paraphrase Churchill, it’s better than anything else on offer. One of its great redeeming qualities is that bit by bit, the promise of freedom and equality under the law extends to all citizens. In Canada, this is – fortunately – a largely settled issue save for those who are increasingly becoming the lunatic fringe. Even our newly elected Conservative majority government has no appetite to revisit the issue in the House of Commons.

(although, it should be said the recent hoopla over Toronto Mayor Rob Ford declining to attend that city’s annual Pride Parade has managed to light a spark under the issues – it won’t change anything but it sucks up time on talk radio programming.)

Not so much in the US though, where the gay marriage debate continues to be a polarizing one, even as increasingly public opinion moves away from the theocrats. New York’s recent decision to allow gay marriage is just another step in that direction.

But what often gets regarded as the burning stupid in Canada is still seen as a legitimate political issue in the US as though there is a reasonable argument to deny homosexuals the same legal protections as straight couples.

There isn’t. I mean, consider the rationale of the Catholic Church after the New York decision. The state’s bishop claimed that allowing gay marriage was a “another “nail in the coffin” of marriage” because, apparently, if a married couple doesn’t produce children it’s all a sham. Society itself will then fall into some kind of dystopian chaos. Like Mad Max or something I guess. And, he goes on to say, the only people fit to raise children happen to be straight couples. Gays and lesbians need not apply.

There is absolutely zero data to suggest that a gay couple would make unfit parents just because they are gay and I’ve lost track of how many stories I’ve read or written about kids being abuse in so called “nuclear families” the bishop would approve of, but never mind that. Marriage is for straight people who spawn. Period.

And the bishop’s solution this is grave injustice thrust upon the lives of straight, child producing couples everywhere? Well, try to use religion to pressure politics of course:

As the chief shepherd of the Catholics in our City’s two most populous boroughs, Brooklyn and Queens, the decision of our Catholic Governor and State Legislature to overturn the common understanding of marriage that, despite many developments over thousands of years, has always been understood between a man and woman. That there was virtually no public debate on the issue and that the entire matter was concluded in just over thirty-minutes late on a Friday evening is disgraceful.

As a protest, I have asked my collaborators not to bestow or accept honors, nor to extend a platform of any kind to any state elected official, in all our parishes and churches for the foreseeable future.

That’s right. The theocrat wants to ban elected officials who did not tow the Vatican line from churches. The message here is “I know you are elected by the people to represent them and the values of a free and democratic society, but do what Rome tells you to do, or else!” (One has to wonder if he would sing the same tune if his churches stopped receiving tax breaks from the state.) Still, any politician banned from a church for defending the rights of his constituents should take that as a badge of honor.

503px-Thomas_Jefferson_by_Rembrandt_Peale,_1800

"History, I believe, furnishes no example of a priest-ridden people maintaining a free civil government. This marks the lowest grade of ignorance of which their civil as well as religious leaders will always avail themselves for their own purposes." - Thomas Jefferson

The bottom line, I think, is this. If there is an argument against gay marriage that even smells reasonable, I’ve never heard it. I suspect it probably exists in the same way little grey aliens, Bigfoot and a strong Canadian Liberal party exist – urban myths the lot of it.

The only rationale against gay marriage that is put out there is a religious one and, fortunately, religious dogma isn’t the law of the land. You want to live in a place where clerics decide the law then pack up and move to some middle eastern nation where Sharia is still enforced.

The framers of the American constitution, somewhat more wisely than our own, enshrined the separation of church and state in the document. So the priestly class can wail and gnash their teeth all they want. They can shun whomever they please. But they don’t get to decide anything for the rest of us.

When it comes down to it, the only argument offered against gay marriage is “god doesn’t like it.” Well guess what, not all of us believe in your god, or your church, or your fashion sense. A priests view of things doesn’t apply to everyone else no matter what he thinks his chosen deity has to say on the subject.

Some, like the New York bishop, try to rephrase this by saying when gay people marry, marriage itself is under threat. Really? HOW exactly? I have asked this question repeatedly to those who think that homosexual marriage is a grand threat to the fabric of society and I have yet to get an answer that makes any kind of sense. How does a gay couple in Vancouver getting married effect in any way, shape or form, the lives of a straight couple in Montreal? Is the answer anything other than “it doesn’t?”

Basically if you don’t like gay marriage, then don’t marry a gay person. QED. But you don’t get to try and prevent your fellow citizens from enjoying the same liberties that you do.

Thomas Jefferson once said that history “furnishes no example of a priest-ridden people maintaining a free civil government. This marks the lowest grade of ignorance of which their civil as well as religious leaders will always avail themselves for their own purposes.” I have no idea if Jefferson would have accepted gay marriage or not, but on this score at least, his aim was true.

Well, the world didn’t end and the scam goes on

- May 26th, 2011

Greetings heathens, zealots, web denizens and the rest of you!

Well as you know by now, the Rapture didn’t happen. Not exactly a shock, right? Truth be told I was sorta hoping it would have least happened to Glee, but thems the breaks.

For those who missed this month’s ode to the burning stupid, a bunch of Christians led by a self styled profit in the US named Harold Camping, said the end of the world was to being with global earthquakes on May 21. This would coincide with the chosen faithful being beamed up into the sky to hang out with the sky god. Oddly, believers in this Rapture scenario usually say the clothes of the faithful are left here on Earth. I’ve never understood this. Is it the job of the heathens left behind to collected the clothes and donate them to the local Sally Ann? Do we get the left over cars and houses and money? If these people are beamed with nothing but their birthday suits, does that make heaven some kind of cosmic nudist colony? It’s all very perplexing.

Of course, Camping and his followers are nuts and not exactly what you could call the Christian mainstream. They are to “regular” Christianity what the Bee Gees St. Pepper movie was to the Beatles.

Ok, well that is not entirely fair. In fact, there is a large percentage of Christians who believe in the same sort of end of the world scenario that Camping does, including the whole being beamed up in the buff the deal. So before you say “hahaha, my religion isn’t that crazy!” consider that a recent Pew survey showed that some 40% of Americans think that Jesus will definitely return to end the world by 2050. (Interestingly, the idea of Jesus’s imminent return has been part of Christian theology since the beginning. So that is nearly 2000 years of people being very disappointed when the wake up in the morning!) Typically, Canadian data does not differ that drastically with the U.S.

The primary difference between this “mainline” belief and Camping, is that most Christians believe there is no way to determine when the end will come. Just food for thought there.

Anyhoo, this wasn’t the first time Camping predicted the end was nigh. He did it in 1994 and, oh the suspense is killing you I know, he was wrong. According to reports at the time, Camping and a gaggle of his loony toons stood outside in 1994 with open Bibles lifted up to the sky waiting to be  beamed up. One can only imagine how that went down:

Camping: “The time is now! Take us home, Jebus!”

Follower 1: “Yes! I am so happy to be here waiting for gruesome end of human civilization!”

Camping: “It will happen NOW!”

Follower 2: “Now!”

Follower 3: “Now, now, now!”

Follower 4: “She turned me into a newt!”

Camping: “Um….now?…..er….now?….hmmm. I, uh, say do you feel any different?”

Follower 1: “My arms are tired from holding this Bible up for the last hour. I’m sorta hungry, too. You?”

Camping: “Uh….well, er,…wow, ok that didn’t go as I thought it would. Wanna go down to the IHOP?”

Follower 1: “Ok!”

Now we can all laugh and joke and go “ha ha, look at the stupid heads.” Which, lets face it, they totally deserve and is entertaining as hell in a petty sorta way.

But there is an uglier said to it all. Reports over the last several weeks in American news media told stories of people selling their homes, giving up their jobs and basically ruining their lives and hurting their families in the deranged belief that they were handpicked by a god to be whisked away while civilization falls in an orgy of suffering and blood shed. Today these people have nothing. Their money was spent  buying billboards, like the one in St. Catharines on St. Paul Street, to support Camping’s cause.

Camping has shown no remorse or indicated he will help those credulous fools who think he has a hotline to the Almighty. Instead, he claims – as he did in 1994 – that he made a mistake in his calculation. (This, by way, requires a total redefinition of the word “calculation” to mean “completely insane guess based on the voices I heard in my head.”) and the REAL end of the world starts on Oct 21.

This means a host of desperate and foolish people will again give up what little they have to support the cause of an obvious con man. Sure we can laugh at their stupidity and Campings increasingly delusional preaching. But the fact is people have come to real harm over this and it is likely to happen again in the fall.