(Saturday, June 12)
Father’s Day arrives this weekend and, if you have not done anything about it, well, that’s okay.
Fathers are used to short shrift.
But you still have time to run out and get a card. There should be lots left at the nearest drug store.
Fathers don’t expect much.
At least the good ones don’t.
On the wall of my office is a poster I bought in Peterborough when my daughter was going to university. I bought it as a joke, but it rings somewhat true.
And it reads as follows: “A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be.”
There are a lot of single mothers out there, and not a lot of single fathers.
And that’s the knock, isn’t it? And the sad truth, as well. More fathers have to man up.
The world would be a better place if more fathers stepped up to the plate. We all know that.
If you are one of those men who left your wife or partner to raise your children without being a part of their lives — financially and emotionally — then you are not a father.
You’re not even a dead-beat dad.
Face it, you’re a dead-beat sperm donor.
Which means you’re not much.
Tags: Father's Day
i agree somewhat with your comment,but what about my situation.for the first 2 years of my daughters life i was a part of her life both financially and emotionally.i spent every moment possible with her.then her mother met a new guy and i was driven out of the picture.they made it so hard for me ,between court costs and stiffing me every time i was to see her.in the end i gave up and this new guy adopted my daughter.my only hope is when she is older we will connect.
Amen there Bono!!!…..Amen
Any other day I would stand cheer for this article, but today of all day’s, lay the hell off and have something good to say – it’s Father’s Day, a day of celebration, not a day to once again, bash men and Fathers.
Sheesh….Mark you seem to be suffering from rectal ventriloquism today!
My son is definitely not a dead beat dad. When his marriage ended, it was his decision at the time that he would have his 3 girls one week, (the youngest was 6 months at the time), and their mother would have them the other week. This has worked for the past 12 years and he has always been a good father in many more ways than their mother was a mother. I salute my son on this his day, Happy Father’s Day, son you deserve it.
When a marriage breaks up, the system is very lop-sided towards the mother being the custodial parent. Fathers usually have the burden of financial support. Typically it’s a struggle to support one household, let alone two. Many have to work more, leaving less time/energy. Add the bitter saboteur who re-invents poor old Dad as the reason for broken home instead of taking some ownership. No wonder a lot of fathers feel alienated from there kids and things tend to go south from there. While there are dead beats out there, far too often dads are getting unfairly treated. I keep trying, but sometimes I feel as if it’s not my son who doesn’t have a father, but me who doesn’t have a son.
A guy that willing enters fatherhood under the exceptionally biased court system of Canada is not doing the gene pool any good.
Hey Ruth,
This article was about Dead Beat Dads so, I am not sure why you felt the need to defend your son when he clearly isn’t one.
Just my thoughts…
Lo.
Amen is right, thankyou so much for this. Phrank, this was the appropriate time to post this then maybe some of those dad’s out there will read it then stop and think such as the father of my son who does not bother with him. I give myself a pat on father’s day for raising my son on my own, he turned out great and I am very proud of him.
Phrank,wrote Sheesh….Mark you seem to be suffering from rectal ventriloquism today!
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Rectal ventriloquism? Don’t you just hate those days Mark! I bet it’s a big hit at parties though!
There are too many fathers out there who just go around “donating” their sperm. Whoever said that been a father is just about financial support? I would rather my child to have a father who is active in life rather than a father who does nothing. Help with homework, take the child to the park, pick him up from daycare, spend time with him …to name a few.
It seems to be all one or the other – I know some great dads who would support their children financially, physically and emotionally, and would like to spend more time with them, but are “bashed” by resentful mothers. At the other extreme, my children’s biological father (and many others) ignore their children on every level, resist paying reasonable (or any) support, and don’t even contribute time or caring to those children.
The repercussions of “no effort” are huge not only on the children,but also on the custodial parent, and those who pick up the slack, including teachers, neighbours, other family, new partners, and Big Brother and Big Sisters. So many families don’t have anyone to fill a “father” role … this is such a contributing factor to juvenile delinquency and other problems. It’s hard for a working parent (mother or father!) to be everyone.
Kudos to those dads who support their kids on every level! I’m with Bono – shame on those who don’t … including my own ex-sperm donor. It’s too late when they’re 20 – they’ve figured out how much you care all on their own.
“There are a lot of single mothers out there, and not a lot of single fathers.
And that’s the knock, isn’t it? And the sad truth, as well. More fathers have to man up.”
Mark, I agree with your article except for the above statements. More often than not, manning up has nothing to do with it. In the cases of true dead beats, sure they should man up! However the fact that there’s not a lot of single fathers, compared to single mothers, is by far due to the fact that the courts still deem the mother to be the natural parent. Fathers are considered the financial contributor and not much more except that men are usually considered to be at fault for the marriage break-up and women the victim. Basically we’re pushed out of the nest.
I think it’s sad you pick Fathers Day to address a serious problem by making such narrow statements. While they may apply to some, it’s unfair and hurtful to many more.
women want equality and have fought tooth and nail for these rights , but when u go to court for shared custody , they say hell no and have their hands out waiting for that support payment every month.You are right the odds are stacked against father dead beat or not it,s a fact. I fought for custody for my son and won thats because he made a informed decision on his own. The laws should change stop allowing women to ride the coat tail of hard working men. Are you people that ignorant it,s not that we don’t want to spend time with our children , we have to work twice as hard to pay support . I think some comments made are people that have no CLUE!!!
I can’t wait to read your Dead Beat Mothers spew next Mother’s Day. I can tell you from personal experience that the more I manned up, the more the Gold Digger and Courts tried to squish my manhood! Everyday is Father’s Day when guys like me get to see my daughter and see her smile, despite her mom’s efforts. Am I bitter? Darn tooting. Are all women gold diggers and men dead beats? Nope! Maybe, rather than gender slant the problem of stupid parenting by one or both, you should type an article about the way our court system is so biased and disinterested in the real facts. Picking ‘Father’s Day’ to simply draw in readers is pretty sad…. I call Dead Beat reporter!
Proud Daddy if you have manned up then why are you crying about it ? if that is in fact the truth you should be proud like your are claiming instead of bitter and also seeing your daughter only in fathers day does not qualify you for Dad of the year.I don’t know why so many guys complain that the mother doesn’t let them see the kids. I have tried to get rid of the dead beat and the court will not revoke his visitation rights. So “the mother wont let me see my kids” is the lamest excuse I have ever heard. If you are there for your daughter when she needs you then you are a good Dad and I hope she never reads what you have written here, because she would know how much do you think a burden she is. Kids are expensive and some guys think that for 20 bucks a month and a visit during the weekends when is “convenient” for them they are doing more than their fare share .
When 97% of child custody and support orders go against men … it is called systematic discrimination … a bais is built into the family court system that eviscerates men.
Does anyone really think the female is the better parent in 97% of cases?
Does anyone think it odd that the government funds no men’s shelters but billions for women’s shelters?
Why is child support set at 1/3 of after tax income with no deduction and as non-table income to the payee?
Why are domestic violence laws so biased that women use them as weapons against the men they want to get rid of?
Quite a moustache. Here’s a link to a video of the World Beard and Moustache Championships:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F800WEVFHp0
And, by the way, lame article, you wanker.
The entire system is skewed to woman; men have no support and have to do 3X the effort to be a part of their kid’s lives. Sure there are lots of dead beat Dad’s out there but there are a lot of men like me who despite fighting the courts, all women’s groups & organizations and society’s naïve, ignorant comments like this columnist still manage to love and be loved by their kids. Women that have kids and then screw off because they don’t know who they are or run after a younger man should not have had kids in the first place….they are too selfish. The kids are the ones that suffer without their Dads and the system needs to change.
My ex tried everything in her book of hate and derision after we were divorced in an effort to portray me as the worlds biggest as&h$l^ to my children. I didn’t give up on my part of the deal and today – as I have been for 24 years- am a huge part of my childrens lives. It cost alot of time and effort but, I did it and IMHO anyone who cops out on their responsibilities to their children because the ex made it “hard” for them is not a father.