He’s Got Bette Davis Eyes

- April 20th, 2012

mulcair_eyes

 And he’ll tease you, he’ll unease you,

All the better just to please you.

He’s precocious and he knows

Just what it takes to make a pro blush.

He’s got Greta Garbo standoff sighs.

He’s got Bette David eyes.

— with apologies to Kim Carnes, Donna Weiss and the fabulous Jackie DeShannon

 

bette_portrait

The eyes are the window of the soul, so the saying goes.

 

If that’s true, then the NDP’s new leader has a very steely soul.

 

I’m talking about the TV ads that are currently bombarding us with images of this guy with eyes that spark and flash and burn with zeal — but not in a good way. No, it’s more shining like the eyes of a steel shark circling in for the kill. Hard, merciless, heartless.

 

Now I’m sure Tom Mulcahy … sorry, Thomas Mulcair … (sure it’s not Tomas Mulroney?) …  whatever his name is … isn’t really that kind of guy. He’s probably warm and cuddly and sweet. Just ask the other people who ran for the leadership of the New Democratic Party. I’m sure they’ll tell you what a sweet, warm, cuddly  guy he is. Really.

 

But I see these ads running on TV now and all I can think is, “He’s got Bette Davis eyes.”

 

Don’t get me wrong: I like Bette Davis. Thomas Mulcair? Ehhh — don’t really know yet. I’ve never met the guy. (And I can tell in five face-to-face minutes whether someone — anyone — is genuine, a sleaze or an out-and-out psycho danger to society.)

 

But he’s got Bette Davis eyes.

 

And they’re cold. And hard. And calculating. And self-serving. And cold. (Did I say that already?) And self-serving. (I’m sure I said that one.)

 

Not that Bette Davis was a saint but, jeesh, she never wanted to run a country.

 

So let’s look a little closer and see what we deduce.

Thomas-Mulcairjpg

youngishbettedavis
Hmmm, so far it’s a tie. How are they with a drink in hand?
MULCAIR_drink
Bette-Davis-glass
Oh, Bette wins this one by a mile. I’m with The Maltese Falcon’s Kasper Gutman when he says, “I distrust a man who says ‘when.’ If he’s got to be careful not to drink too much, it’s because he’s not to be trusted when he does. “
But how about sex? Not right now, thanks, I’m busy. I mean what if you punch in “Thomas Mulcair sexy” for a Google image search? What do you get?
Well, you get this.
Mulcair
Not really sexy in my books, but what do I know.
And you also get this.
sexy_tara_reid-4829
And this.
old_man_cowboy_hat_nude
Hmmm. Politics makes for strange bedfellows.
Try Googling “Bette Davis sexy” and you get this.
bette-davis-sexy
portrait26
Well, I think Bette wins again.
But then I tried “Thomas Mulcair kiss” and got this (among other things).
Mulcair-kiss-wife
Mulcair and his wife kissing at the NDP convention. Nice. Not terribly hot, but nice.
Then I Googled “Bette Davis kiss” and got … squat. Lots of pictures of Bette Davis but hardly any actual pictures of the screen siren in an actual clinch and smooch. Of course there are a few.
Kiss-against-wall
But so few you begin to wonder.
Then you look at relationships. First, Bette Davis at her daughter’s wedding …
bette_davis_and_daughter
Mulcair-Layton
 I think this one goes to Mulcair even if he is playing a little hard to get.
And what about anger management? Especially with those cold steely eyes.
angry-thomas-mulcair-ndp
Baby-Jane
Betty Davis laughing
I don’t know — Bette Davis by a nose? I really thought there would be more photos of a really crazy-mad Bette Davis floating around out there.
So maybe there is hope for Thomas Mulcair after all. If he can keep his arrogance and temper in control. If not …
bette-davis-gun

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