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Penner talks stalkers, indecent proposals and dog doo-doo

- August 8th, 2014

Did you know that Dustin Penner has had to file three restraining orders?

Apparently life isn’t always swell for NHL stars, according to the 31-year-old free-agent winger. Penner did an interview with the No Filter Blog, and the game’s premier pancake enthusiast served up a few anecdotes, including ones about an obsessed fan and an underage girl who made an indecent proposal in front of her mom … who was cool with it.

He also dished out some dating advice and told a stinky story about being in bed with a girl and dog poop.

Here are some highlights from the two-time Stanley Cup champion. You can read the entire interview here.

If you could trade lives with any dude in the league for one day, who would it be and why?

Crosby or Ovechkin. They have leverage that a lot of players don’t get in their careers, like Mario Lemieux and Wayne Gretzky. I just want to see what it’s like to have that type of power.

Who do you think is the biggest beauty in the league?

Teemu Selanne. I’ve never heard a bad word said about him and I’ve never seen him do anything but smile when he’s at the rink. That’s another guy I’d probably like to be, over Crosby and Ovechkin, is Teemu Selanne.

What’s the craziest thing a fan has ever said or done to you?

I’ve dished out three restraining orders in my life. One of them, I never met her, would make fake Dustin Penner Facebook accounts and create conversations between her account and the mock account of me and make a relationship. She hacked into my e-mail too. One day the officer called me from Massachusetts and said: “we have her in custody but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t tell you this, and you’re probably not going to like it.” I’m a curious person so I said, “well, go ahead and tell me.” The cop said: “we put her in handcuffs and she laughed and said ‘this isn’t over.’”

Another good one: my first year pro we were signing autographs after the game. I was going down the line of fans and I get to a girl who was probably 16 years old and she asked “will you have sex with me?” I immediately got flushed in the face and she was standing right beside her mom. I looked at her mother and the mom was nodding her head and said “yes, will you?” I just kept walking — that’s not something MY mother would ever encourage!

If a guy sees a beautiful girl in a bar, how should he approach her in order to get her number?

Most guys are a little creepy, a little obvious.. I would just do the opposite. If you keep making eye contact or you see her looking over, I would approach her and start a simple conversation. My approach is always saying something funny but not obviously funny. If she doesn’t get witty or intelligent humor, I don’t want to talk to her anyways. For example, if I see a pretty girl I’ll say something like “you must’ve been rushed to come out tonight, eh?” and just see how she reacts. If she asks what I mean I would say “Oh I dunno, based on your appearance you might have been in a hurry.”

What’s your most embarrassing moment?

I don’t really get embarrassed but this could count. I was watching tv in bed with a girl I was seeing and she asked if I farted. I would’ve been honest had I done it, but I didn’t. She got up to go to the bathroom and I was sniffing and I was like “Jesus”. I stepped out of the bed and when I put my planting foot down, I slipped because I stepped in dog s—. I looked up and there were four piles and I start freaking out. I knew for girls, seeing four piles of crap in a bedroom is a definite mood killer. That was the closest I’ve come to being embarrassed.

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