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Dolphins’ Starks not pleased about Steeler coppin’ a feel

- December 14th, 2013

[UPDATE: Steelers lineman Cody Wallace was fined $7,875 for his bizarre groin grab on Miami Dolphins defensive lineman Randy Starks last Sunday. Wallace was fined another $10,000 for a separate incident in the same game.]

What’s up with NFL players getting all grab-happy these days?

First we had San Francisco 49ers tight end Vernon Davis getting tackled by his, uh, penis. St. Louis Rams safety T.J. McDonald was the culprit on that one a couple of weeks ago.

Then on Sunday, Miami Dolphins defensive tackle Randy Starks was either subjected to an on-field prostate exam or had someone misinterpret the “loose ball” call during a scramble for a fumble against the Pittsburgh Steelers. It’s kind of hard to tell exactly what body part/orifice Steelers centre Cody Wallace was aiming for but suffice to say it was in an area most guys would be uncomfortable having groped during a game.

Good grief, there’s so many wayward hands in play the NFL is starting to resemble a Grade 9 party in your parents’ basement. All that’s missing is the dimmed lights and Stairway to Heaven playing softly on the stereo.

starks

But, ya know, Starks wasn’t laughing about his encounter with Wallace, even though his teammates were. And with good reason, I might add. He didn’t even get dinner beforehand.

“If I knew exactly who that was at the time I probably would have been thrown out,” Starks told reporters Tuesday. It’s a good thing I didn’t. When I turned around I saw two people and didn’t know which one it was. I’m glad I didn’t know who it was because it would have gotten ugly out there.”

And the last thing we want is more ugliness in the NFL, right?

So from now on, gentlemen, keep it clean. And leave the junk alone.

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