Make Canoe my Homepage

‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ gets new rap song

- July 22nd, 2014

I guess it’s time we all accept that Vanilla Ice just isn’t the coolest name in rap anymore.

To celebrate Michael Bay and Jonathan Liebsman’s (Battle Los Angeles, Clash of the Titans) upcoming revival of the beloved ’80s cartoon/comic series, the production team thought it would be best to serve up another dose of nostalgia.

Served as cold pizza, of course. Cowabunga, man.

Shell Shocked is the official song of Liebsman’s blockbuster, and if the mood of the track is anything to go by, we may be in for another “mature” reboot of the franchise.

Laced with heavy bass from dubstep DJs extraordinaire Kill The Noise and Madsonik, Shell Shocked sounds like a song you’d hear woven into the background of a Fast and Furious film, not a beloved yet completely ridiculous movie about turtles saving Manhattan from savage criminals.

Then there’s the ridiculous lyrics…and who exactly is Ty Dollar $ign?

The chorus, which seems to repeat an obnoxious amount of times during the three and a half minute play through is, “Knock knock, you about to get shell shocked.”

Not only is it a poorly written line, it makes me question whether any of the three “artists” know what shell shocked actually means. For those wondering, it’s described by Webster’s dictionary as, “mentally confused, upset, or exhausted as a result of excessive stress,” and was used for the first time in 1916, following the first World War.

It’s not even clever, it’s just using puns lazily. Oh, it gets better, too.

“Together ain’t no way we gonna fail, you know I got yo back like a turtle shell,” Juicy J raps in the opening of the first verse, somehow enunciating it in a way that rhymes.

To make the situation -because this track is officially a situation that needs to be resolved- worse, he ends the verse with this beautifully horrendous line: “Check my Rolex, it says I’m the man of the hour. All this green in my pockets you can call it turtle power.”

Surprisingly, Wiz Khalifa’s verse isn’t atrocious. Instead of spitting mocking lines about the Turtle franchise, he chooses to rap about the strength of family and perseverance. You know you’ve got a major problem on your hands, though, when Wiz Khalifa is the one making the most sense in a song.

The best part is, this isn’t the first time TMNT producers have tried to broaden their potential audience by bringing in the current big name hip-hop sensation.

Fans of the TMNT films may recall the second installment in the franchise, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze, featured an incredibly addictive track from Vanilla Ice about the facetious reptilian superhero team.

With lyrics like, “Have you ever seen a turtle get down,” and “Gonna rock and roll this place, with the power of the ninja turtle bass,” it’s almost impossible to think that someone would come along and try to best an instant classic.

Say what you will about Vanilla Ice’s “classic” track, at least it was fun and had a bit of heart. Khalifa’s just sounds apathetic, manufactured, and nothing more than a quick cash grab.

Hey, kind of like what we’re expecting Liebsman’s film to be like! Maybe they do belong together after all.

Kanye West bows down to Drake, may be done with rap game

- July 21st, 2014

Kanye West may be done with the rap game.

No, seriously. He said it himself!

In a recent interview with GQ Magazine’s Zach Baron, West admitted that while taking time to focus on his wedding with Kim Kardashian and spending time with new daughter North, he’d lost the top spot in the industry to Toronto’s own Drake.


“Currently, that top spot is taken. Let’s be honest – he got last summer,” West admitted. “He got last summer. And I’d never given it up till last summer. It’s a real question for me[competing with Drake]. Do I want to?”

Avid fans of West know he’s been in the studio working on a new album for months, but he only just announced in the interview that his new single would probably be dropped in a couple of weeks, with the album not too far behind it.

West confessed the new single would be more in line with top pop songs receiving air time on the radio and less “beautiful,” a word he used to describe most of the tracks on Yeezus and My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy.

“…for the new album, one new thing could change everything. I had an idea of the way I wanted to do the album. And then I got a new song that’s so good that the album has to be balanced against it,” West said, adding the new song is one that’ll be played at every club when it’s released.

The following content may contain coarse language. Viewer discretion is advised.

Reading the interview, it’s clear West still thinks he’s the biggest game changer to happen to the industry since Tupac, and when questioned about how he feels one year after Yeezus, he doesn’t even attempt to play down his own “brilliance.”

“I think Yeezus is the beginning of a completely new era of music. It has all new rules. It just broke every rule possible,” West said. “New Slaves. The second verse. I argue it’s the best rap verse of all time. It’s the Coming to America or Anchorman of a verse.”

He may still be enthusiastic about music, but the 37-year-old admitted his focus has changed. Now, he’d much rather spend time focusing on his new wife and daughter, all while preparing to launch multiple fashion lines.

But West admits he’s not the same kid he was five years ago, when it was about going home with a different girl every night and counting the dollar signs in a bank account. Now, he said, it’s about being cool as a man dedicated to his family.

“Family is super cool. Going home to one girl every night is super cool. Just going home and getting on the floor and playing with your child is super cool…having someone that I can call Mom again. That s— is super cool.”

Watch Kanye West freestyle as a teenager in 1996

- July 17th, 2014

Even before Kanye West was an uber successful artist, he was still Kanye West.

Arrogant, narcissistic, and full of incredible talent just waiting to be noticed, it’s a trip to see a young 19-year-old West lay it down in a dingy studio considering the lavish lifestyle he lives now.

The video below, which was recorded in August of 1996, shows off West participating in a free styling competition with other rappers from the Chicago area.

Warning: Video contains coarse language. Viewer discretion is advised.

According to Slate, the video was filmed in Fat Beats, an independent hip-hop record shop celebrating its successful move into a larger boutique closer to the city’s downtown core. At the time, West was just one of many rappers to come out and display their talents for anyone who cared to listen.

The minute and a half verse West spits is full of references to landmarks in Chicago, but most importantly, it’s full of typical Kanye West lines.

“But it’s not original cause I stole it from myself in the future,” is just one of the many lines West uses to reference his brilliance in the verse.

Slate also reported that while Fat Beats closed its retail doors in 2010, (after all, the death of record shops was imminent) the group still operates as a digital record label.

Hey, if they kickstarted the career of someone like Kanye West, they’ve got to have an eye for talent.

Tom DeLonge: New Blink-182 album on the way

- July 15th, 2014

The long-gestating new Blink-182 album is apparently on the way, according to singer-guitarist Tom DeLonge.


In a post on Instagram, which shows a retro shot of the band (including bassist-singer Mark Hoppus and drummer Travis Barker), DeLonge writes:

“Rehearsals start today… And yes there will be a new album #SorryForTheWait #Blink.”

The long-delayed seventh studio album has been a source of frustration for fans, since the effort was rumoured to be out at various points over the last few years. Blink-182 hasn’t released a full-length album since 2011′s “Neighborhoods.”

Soon after DeLonge posted up the news, Barker took to the site as well, posting his own picture with the caption:

“#RehearsalLife #BLINK #EuropeanTour #NobodycaresGoharder.”

‘Weird Al’ Yankovic parodies Lorde’s ‘Royals’ with ‘Foil’

- July 15th, 2014

ANOTHER UPDATE: Another day, another “Weird Al” Yankovic video taking the online world by storm.

This time, it’s for his take on Lorde’s Royals, called Foil.

Watch his culinary masterpiece below:


“Weird Al” Yankovic brought out the star power for the video to his parody of Pharrell Williams’ mega-hit Happy.

Tacky features appearances by Jack Black, Kristen Schaal, Margaret Cho, The Talk’s Aisha Tyler and Modern Family’s Eric Stonestreet, who all take turns lip-synching while wearing some – you guessed it – tacky clothing.


Watch HERE.

The track is featured on Yankovic’s Mandatory Fun album, which is out today (Tuesday).

Also included on the effort are parodies of Iggy Azalea’s Fancy, Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines (see below), and Lorde’s Royals.

UPDATE: Yankovic has posted another new video online today (which is the second of eight he will be releasing each day) — this time for a parody of Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines called Word Crimes – watch it below: